Sunday, May 16, 2010
I hope you're all enjoying your day. I hope it's peaceful and sunny for you there like it is for me here. I haven't been as "into" weight loss lately. It hasn't been cool or exciting to me. It has been a chore. And a chore that I didn't want to do. And that I still often don't want to do. It's hard to change, isn't it? I think so. It's easier to say to myself, "I want that brownie," and then eat it. A lot easier than telling myself I want it and then having to tell myself no all night long because I still want it. It's harder to get excited about carrot juice and salads than it is to get excited about making cupcakes or eating a big cookie with adorable little mini M&M's on top. I've been taking the easy way out. I've been telling myself it's okay. But the truth is, it's really just a matter of me not letting Heavenly Father help me be the person I want to be. When I was trying so hard to lose weight I always felt the Spirit whispering a little "Great job! You're amazing! You're so beautiful! You're making so much progress! You'll meet your goal in no time!" And even when I didn't think it would pay off it always did. Because Heavenly Father makes up for our lack and it's so easy to see when we're doing our best and trying so hard. But I haven't been doing my best lately and instead of feeling so awesome about myself I tend more often to think, "This shirt makes me look fat and I totally deserve it because I've eaten so much junk lately." Last night when I was having a low moment feeling discouraged about my daughter being 8 months old and still waking up to eat multiple times a night I sat there and thought to myself, "I'll never be able to get her to sleep through the night. And I'll never lose all this weight." Way to slip one in through the back door there, Satan. Then this morning as I was praying over my Cracklin' Oat Bran I asked Heavenly Father to help me to be a better person and to have the Spirit as a more active companion in my life. Sometimes when everything is going well and your life is fairly easy it's hard to feel the Spirit. That's basically been me lately. But then as I sat down a little bit ago and started to write to you about the sunshine outside and the peace I feel here in my home I felt the Spirit and I know that I would have the Holy Ghost as a more constant and active companion in my life if I got back on the horse--for real, now--and actively, really actively, tried to be healthier again. Because I need the Spirit in my life. And I feel so much happier when I'm proud of myself for being healthy. So, Satan, with your discouraging words, please get out of here. Find something productive to do for once in your life. Eat a tomato.