Kathy Week 41: Feelin' Groovy

Several weeks ago I read through my daily journal from last year, and I noticed that over and over again I wrote about feeling stressed, overworked, tense, too-much-to-do, tired, etc, etc.

No good! That much stress sends me straight to the refrigerator or the candy aisle.

This fall, when heading back to work/school, I vowed to keep my extra commitments under control. I'm not perfect. This coming week is going to be a bear. It's just one of those "vortex" weeks when everything that only happens once-in-a-while just so happens to all get piled into the same week of the calendar. Most of that was out of my control, and the week will come and go, and then it will be over with. I'm budgeting my time, and I'll get through it!

But for the most part, I'm getting SO much better at saying "no." "No" to outside requests, but more importantly, "no" to the expectations and pressures I so often put on myself. I'm working on sorting out my priorities, and paying the most attention to the things that matter most.

Here are some things that get me through the day:

1. Fun, light-hearted oldies that help me relax. I'm breathing easier and smiling after I sing along with this one:



2. Listening to wise counsel. President Uchtdorf's counsel at last week's General Conference spoke right to my heart. I've gone back and listened to his talk a couple of times already, and I may have it memorized by the next time we have General Conference, in April 2011.

You can read it here. I like to read his counsel and absorb the ideas slowly, but I also love to listen to him and enjoy his warm spirit and kindly humor. It's like he's come to visit with me right in my own living room!


3. A little humor never hurts. Here's Anita Renfro with her spoof on Carrie Underwood's song, "Before He Cheats." This time it's "Before I Eat..."  Hahaha! Check out Anita's other videos on YouTube. Her humor will de-stress you every time.


4. And here we go with some pure relaxation - a wonderful spine stretch I learned in Yoga class. It's so easy! You should try it right now. (No, really, you should do this. You won't believe how good it will feel.)

First, lie on your right side. Legs are in the position of sitting in a chair. Right arm is straight out to the side, palm up; left arm is in the same position, palm down.

Then, slide your left arm in a half-circle, up and over your head. Bring your arm around to the left side. Your spine is beginning the stretch. Keep your hips still.

Finally, adjust your right shoulder a little to the right, so that your shoulders are both flat on the floor. You should be looking up at the ceiling now. Keep both palms up, and breathe evenly. Hold the position for a minute or so.

After a minute or so, bring your knees to center, and roll over to your left side. Repeat the stretch from the left side.

Now your spine, shoulder, and chest will feel more relaxed and aligned. You will breathe more easily and feel LESS STRESS!!!

That's all for today, except for a quick update on my weight maintenance. After the brief excitement of hitting my goal weight 127 a few weeks ago (haha--that lasted all of one day), I have been hanging out at 128-129. I'm still 129 this morning. I'm not counting every calorie, but I am watching my portions and eating (mostly) sensibly.  (All right, I confess, there were those two Rice Crispie treats last night...)

Anyway, I'm thinking that 129 may be my "happy weight" for now, and I'm feeling good about that!

Feelin' groovy!

Have a great week everyone! I hope you'll try some of these suggestions to be happy and stress free.

Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God

Sunday Walks

Last night I was discouraged. So I walked. And prayed. I found friends. We laughed. And smiled. And then I walked home and went to bed. Early. And this morning I woke up, wondering if I was still discouraged. So I prayed. And thought. And walked. And then I knew that everything would be ok. Everything will be ok. How great it feels to move and stretch and pray and be still. Wishing you all a moving week!

Picture taken by me in California, 2009.

Happy Sunday

I hope you're all enjoying your day.  I hope it's peaceful and sunny for you there like it is for me here.  I haven't been as "into" weight loss lately.  It hasn't been cool or exciting to me.  It has been a chore.  And a chore that I didn't want to do.  And that I still often don't want to do.  It's hard to change, isn't it?  I think so.  It's easier to say to myself, "I want that brownie," and then eat it.  A lot easier than telling myself I want it and then having to tell myself no all night long because I still want it.  It's harder to get excited about carrot juice and salads than it is to get excited about making cupcakes or eating a big cookie with adorable little mini M&M's on top.  I've been taking the easy way out.  I've been telling myself it's okay.  But the truth is, it's really just a matter of me not letting Heavenly Father help me be the person I want to be.  When I was trying so hard to lose weight I always felt the Spirit whispering a little "Great job!  You're amazing!  You're so beautiful!  You're making so much progress!  You'll meet your goal in no time!"  And even when I didn't think it would pay off it always did.  Because Heavenly Father makes up for our lack and it's so easy to see when we're doing our best and trying so hard.  But I haven't been doing my best lately and instead of feeling so awesome about myself I tend more often to think, "This shirt makes me look fat and I totally deserve it because I've eaten so much junk lately."  Last night when I was having a low moment feeling discouraged about my daughter being 8 months old and still waking up to eat multiple times a night I sat there and thought to myself, "I'll never be able to get her to sleep through the night.  And I'll never lose all this weight."  Way to slip one in through the back door there, Satan.  Then this morning as I was praying over my Cracklin' Oat Bran I asked Heavenly Father to help me to be a better person and to have the Spirit as a more active companion in my life.  Sometimes when everything is going well and your life is fairly easy it's hard to feel the Spirit.  That's basically been me lately.  But then as I sat down a little bit ago and started to write to you about the sunshine outside and the peace I feel here in my home I felt the Spirit and I know that I would have the Holy Ghost as a more constant and active companion in my life if I got back on the horse--for real, now--and actively, really actively, tried to be healthier again.  Because I need the Spirit in my life.  And I feel so much happier when I'm proud of myself for being healthy.  So, Satan, with your discouraging words, please get out of here.  Find something productive to do for once in your life.  Eat a tomato.

Peaceful Thought

For today's Peaceful Thought I want to share a poem I wrote in 2008, after my first experience competing in the Goat Mountain Gallop.

(Giveaway winners are listed below the poem!)

Goat Mountain Gallop

It comes down to
the way teasels clutch
fistfuls of spring snow.
The red Farmall tractor,
that robin rocketing above the meadow,
four black cows standing knee-deep in green,
a white wicker loveseat on a porch.

Under a watery April sun
barbed-wired fences lined the silence,

Into this great bowl of stillness,
the runners came, and came, and came,

and suddenly, in the far pasture,
there were horses:
thirty or more,
hooves drumming, and thrumming,
wheeling, cutting, charging the fence
with split-second precision,
showing the men how,

while great flocks of geese wove a semaphore
through the sky, ancient signs,
circling, separating, coalescing, always
crying North! North!

No sounds existed beyond the rushing of wings and hooves,
so we ran.

=========================================================================

Giveaway Results

First of all, thank you to everyone who so generously donated money to the Clean Water project. I was humbled by your thoughtfulness. I was even more humbled to realize that even walking 13 miles is less than many women have to walk every day to get water--and it's not even clean--for their families. It is heartbreaking to contrast their struggles with the ease of our lives.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I did not ask that you share your donation amounts with me, but many of you did, and I know that we raised at least $250.00 for the Clean Water project. All of the money was donated online - directly to the charity, which uses 100% of the funds for digging wells and placing pumps where they are needed.

And now...the giveaway winners! (Who were scientifically selected using a clever Random Generator on my trusty laptop...)

Winning 2 bars of Carol's handmade Eau Joy soap:

• Jill (a wonderful friend from high school--lives in California)
• Ginger (another wonderful friend from high school--lives in New York)
• Patricia (Katie's mother-in-law--lives in Virginia)

Winning 1 bar of the smells-so-good soap:

• Sarah (my granddaughter who lives here with me!)

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone, and thank you again.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone!

Lots of peaceful thoughts (in many languages) can be found HERE.  

Have a wonderful Sunday!

*Picture of my daughter taken by Marcie Jessee Photography

All things in MODERATION!

Okay, so since I accidentally skipped my Thursday post (sorry!) I get to post today :)

First, a TRIATHLON UPDATE. So this last week is when I started my official training schedule which includes the following:

-one long swim day

-one long run day

-one long run day

-three days of strength training (one for arms & back, one for legs, one for core/abs)

-2-3 days of smaller double workouts (i.e. bike & run)

-at least one complete day off

The first time I was supposed to jump in the pool was

Monday and it was in the 30's when I woke up- no swimming for me thank you! All I have access to at the moment is my apartment pool which is definitely not heated (but nice...see picture). I started to investigate and see if there were other places to go, but I only found one that had a heated pool that you don't have to be a member at (hello, membership rates are nuts!) So on Friday I decided to suck it up and go to Fleet Aquatic Center for their "open swim"; it couldn't be that bad, right?

So I drove there and could see people swimming from the parking lot. For one thing, all the lanes were full. For another, they all had like goggles and swimming caps and were like serious swimmers...I was just hoping to not drown! So I sat in my car for a few minutes and watched...but I couldn't get up the courage to get out of my car. It was a very weird moment for me; eventually I drove home. I was mad that I didn't do it and so when I got home (already in bathing suit and such) I made myself jump in the apartment pool...IT WAS FREEZING!!! I swam a couple of laps (it is a small pool!) freestyle, backstroke, froggie style, and freestyle again before I got out and wrapped myself in my towel. I was a little dizzy and quite nauseous and so I had to sit there a few minutes before I could walk back to my apartment...but I did it! The running and biking aren't too hard for me though so I am still hopeful that I can meet my goal in May...by the way did I mention that the swimming part is in a river? Yikes.

Now, on to my post. Today's thought is about moderation :) I heard this week about a new eating disorder that they are calling "orthorexia". Basically these people cut more and more out of their diet because they are thinking that they are being healthy when really all it does is malnourish them...an excessive focus on eating healthy.

This one lady told her story- she started becoming aware of food labels and realizing how much weird stuff we put into our bodies...so soon she became a vegetarian. Then she went completely vegan...and then only ate raw foods...and by the end her doctor told her parents to plan her funeral because she was so emaciated. She had started at a normal weight (for her) of 120 lbs. and at rock bottom was barely 60 lbs! She had started as an average woman- she was married and had two kids- who wasn't even concerned about losing weight. The moral of her story...be really cautious and talk to a professional if you are thinking about eliminating entire food groups from your diet.

Our bodies need protein, carbs, fat, etc. It is okay to eat! While we could and should be more careful about what and how much we eat, the bottom line is that we need to enjoy foods from all food groups to get the nutrients necessary for our body...and one cookie isn't going to ruin us! The trick is to enjoy things in moderation. Don't live on chocolate chips and marshmallows and swedish fish and french fries (that was pretty much my diet in college!) Have a well balanced meal, heavy on the fruits and veggies, and then go ahead and enjoy a little dessert or meat or night of lounging on the couch watching reruns. The point is that we don't create bad habits that control us- being a slave is no fun!

Which leads me to the peaceful thought for today: We have been given our agency to choose. Our Father in Heaven believes that we are smart enough to choose what is right for ourselves and thus has endowed in us the ability to choose...He wouldn't have given us that gift if He didn't have faith that we could do the right thing. We do have control- you are the only one who can determine what goes in your mouth! Be strong and refuse to choose things that aren't the best!

I hope that we can all retain the gift of agency by staying in control of our body instead of losing it by becoming a slave to our passions. Enjoy things in moderation and you can can have the power to control yourself!

Sunday Evening

Hey everybody!  Sorry I'm so late posting today.  I hope you've all been enjoying a peaceful Sunday.  We had a beautiful spring evening tonight and ate dinner out on our balcony.  It was wonderful.  I hope you all have a great night! 

Today's peaceful thought is...

Enjoy the day!

Feeling Happy

Well, this may not sound very uplifting in a churchy sort of way, but it certainly makes me happy.  You all know how much I've been lacking motivation lately.  I was sick of feeling that way and I'm sure you were sick of hearing it.  But I have some great news!  No, I haven't quite reached 150 yet, but it's almost as exciting to me.  "What?!  What?!  What?!" you say?  I fit into my size 8 shorts again!  YAY!  I think it was Marae who suggested getting out some of my old, too-small-right-now clothes as motivation and let me just say that, as always (except when she offers you kombucha), Marae was totally right.  It felt SO good to wear my shorts again, especially since, for some reason, my shorts are some of the more trendy pieces of my wardrobe.  And it's not like I had to squeeze into them, they really fit well.  They fit like they were supposed to fit.  It felt so good to fit into some of my favorite clothes that I wore them around all morning, despite my somewhat hairy legs and my little pooch tummy sticking out.  And I am happy to report that I do feel much much more motivated to keep up the good (hard) work and strive to get rid of my pudgey little tummy so I can wear my shorts with absolutely no misgivings.  (Well, I guess for that I'd have to shave my legs too, but that's not so hard.)  Anyway, I know this is all about me, but it made me so happy I just had to share it with you all!  Yay!

And, if you'll forgive me a bit of a longer post, I want to change gears here for just a minute, but we'll tie it all back together at the end, I promise.  My lovely visiting teachers were over this past week and one of them mentioned to me that she reads this blog and that she's super impressed with my progress and wished that she could do that too.  First off, let me just say that she is WAY busier than me with a kid who can actually walk and requires a lot closer supervision and, as I recall, she's still finishing up school (my utmost sympathy--I was so sick of school by the time I was almost done).  So this is not a guilt trip directed at my really nice visiting teacher.  But I do just want to say to all of you who read this blog and want to do better: you can.  I'm not some ultra fitness person.  I don't eat diet food.  I was losing weight and progressing long before I started this BYU study lifting weights (and I've only done that to supplement what I'm already doing).  It doesn't take a gym membership.  It doesn't take a personal trainer.  All it truly takes is commitment.  And there's not a person who reads this blog who I would think couldn't make the changes they want to make.  (Umm... unless you're pregnant.  Sorry, Anna. :)  Haha.)  I hope none of you would ever think that my mom and I are extra special in some way just because we're sharing our progress with you.  We really are just regular people (who don't really know what we're doing most of the time) doing our best to try and work toward our goals.  And if you don't know where to start, then you're in good company.  But I think if you sit down, give yourself a few minutes just to think about what you might be able to realistically do, you'll come up with a few things that can really make a difference for you.  And if you're too overwhelmed to think of things on your own, then let me suggest a few starting points:
1. keep a food journal
2. go on a walk once a day
3. cut out foods you're addicted to for a while
4. drink a lot more water than you're drinking now

It really isn't as hard as it sounds.  You can do it!  And I hope you all will.  Because then you can be happy like me when you start fitting into your favorite shorts (or whatever it may be that you miss wearing or doing).

So, to tie it all together, I'd like to ask what it is you're all up to that's helping you feel happy.
How have you been making progress?
What new things that you've tried are working for you?
What success have you seen in yourself so far?
What tips and tricks would you share with us?
What's your favorite healthy thing to eat?
Why are you happy you're working toward your goals?

I hope you'll share your answers with us so we can all learn from each other and feel uplifted and happy about each others progress.

Thanks everybody!  Have a great Sunday!

Choices

Sorry I'm a little slow in putting up our peaceful thought for the day.  I'm teaching the women in Relief Society today and I've been pretty busy preparing for that.  The lesson I'm teaching today is on Agency.  The lesson is only about three pages long (Thank goodness for the new simplified manuals!), but there is so much that could be said about agency.  More than once as I've been preparing this lesson I've thought how well the principle of agency applies to healthy living.

For instance, one of the questions in the lesson asks, "How does making right choices help us make more right choices?"  The little answer I wrote in for myself (word-for-word) was, "Strengthens our willpower for overcome Satan (desserts!)"  It is so much easier to say no to desserts the second time or the third time or the fourth time than when we have to do it for the very first time.  And by the time we've said no for the one hundred and fourth time the words come out more as a reflex than as the result of a tough choice we just had to make.  Don't you think?

The other question from the lesson that got me thinking about healthy living, along with the answers I wrote in for myself, were, "What are some examples of actions that limit our choices?"  My answer: "If I eat junk food I won't fit into my clothes or have a healthy body."  And then, "What are some examples of actions that give us more freedom?"  You can basically guess my answer here, but what I wrote down was, "If I eat healthy food I am able to do more and wear more of my clothes."  These are such little, trivial things, but they stem from this great principle of agency.

The moral of the story?  We have agency.  We are free to choose for ourselves.  However, we are not free to choose our consequences.  We can have our cake, but we cannot free ourselves from the effects it will have on our bodies.

Speaking of cake, I'd like to close by sharing this thought with you.  My friend Megan sent me this e-mail this morning:

So my sister made me start Weight Watchers with her.  I'm still reluctant, but I think I am slowly gaining more motivation day by day.  Anyways, the other day I was complaining about wanting to eat some of her birthday cake and she said, "No food tastes as good as being thin feels."

Now I don't know what Megan's sister was doing convincing her to get on Weight Watchers and then baking cake to taunt her with, but she makes a great point.  May we all be successful this week in making healthy choices so that we can feel that superior kind of good.

Today's peaceful thought is...

Love the part of life you're in.

P.S. Did you give of yourself?  If so, please share with us.

Give of yourself

Here's my tip for the week:  If you want to lose weight, give of yourself. 

I've been sitting here for the last few minutes trying to expand on this, but it's really so simple that it's hard to say more on.  Still, I guess I'll try.  When you give of yourself to others in some way--making a phone call to check in with a friend, taking treats to a neighbor, preparing a Sunday school lesson, preparing a meal for your family, folding the laundry for your family, cleaning your house for your family and guests to enjoy--you feel better about yourself, you feel happy, you feel motivated, it brings the Spirit, in most cases it gets you up and moving around, and in all cases it gives Heavenly Father just one more reason to bless you in whatever righteous goals you may be working towards.  If you think all this is bogus, then I challenge you to give it a try and let us know how it goes.  The numbers on the scale may not go down, but as we all know, we can improve and work toward our goals in many ways. 

This week I ask all of our readers to try this at least once during the week and report back to us in the comments next Sunday.  

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!
And a wonderful week of giving!

Inspire me, please

I found something during the week that I could share, but at the moment I'm just not feeling it.  I haven't had a bad week.  I've seen progress in myself and life in general is fine.  But some days doesn't the lack of chocolate chip cookies and the fact that you spend your time exercising instead of doing the fun things you enjoy get you down?  It gets me down sometimes, despite the fact that I see progress.  Not to mention my sewing machine hasn't even been out for a least a week.  That's never a good sign.  Anyway, I don't want to be a "Debbie Downer" as Lisa would say, so today I ask you to share your peaceful and encouraging thoughts.  What do you think about that keeps you motivated on the ho-hum days?  What impressions have you had that have helped you to feel peace?  What is it you feel passionately about that brings joy to your life?  Or, at the very least, let me know if this blog has inspired you at all.  It would really brighten my day.

Stewardship

I'll get into our peaceful thought for the week in a minute, but first I have something I want to say.  I've been thinking a little about this whole category of "peaceful thoughts" a bit over the past week.  To me this category makes sense, but perhaps with the things I've been writing some of you are confused as to why I categorize these thoughts as peaceful.  I've thought perhaps I'd be better off calling it "scripture and reflection of the week that will somehow tie in to physical fitness."  Besides the fact that that title is long, I still think "peaceful thoughts" is better.  The reason why is this: knowing where I stand with with my Heavenly Father and with my Savior, Jesus Christ bring peace into my whole being.  Knowing how I can better behave makes me feel peaceful.  Knowing Heavenly Father's commandments makes me feel peaceful.  I like to know where I stand.  Don't we all?  There is something in me that feels better knowing where I stand in my Heavenly Father's eyes and according to His plan, even if that place where I'm currently at is far below where I should be.  At least I know where I am and how I can do better.  And I do try to do better.  Wasn't there some old slogan that said "Knowing is half the battle."...?  In this case, for me, I think that's true.  And so I read my scriptures every day with the intention of trying to learn (or remember) His commandments and in order to listen more carefully to the direction my Heavenly Father is trying to give me.  This has been a long explanation.  I hope we all came out on this tail end of it together and that I didn't lose some of you back there.  Okay, on to this week's peaceful thought.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
"What?  Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?  For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."


1 Corinthians 4:2
"Moreover, it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful."

First, I want to define stewardship as I understand it.  Stewardship mean that somebody has entrusted you with something of theirs temporarily and at a later time they will assess how well you have taken care of it.  In this case, Heavenly Father has entrusted me with a physical body.  It is up to me to eat healthy and exercise and refrain from doing and consuming things that would be harmful to my body.  In order to be a good steward over my body, I need to keep it as healthy as I can.  Why?  Well, first of all, because Heavenly Father said so.  But also (I think) because having a healthy body makes it so I am better able to serve others.  It makes me less stressed so I'm able to spend more time thinking about others than about myself.  It helps me to better understand those who are also trying to be good stewards over their bodies and be of support to them.  In other words, having a healthy body makes me a more able and ready servant of the Lord.  No wonder it is "required" that we be faithful stewards over our bodies.  And if all this weren't enough, we have the added motivation in the truth that our bodies are temples and that, when we treat our bodies accordingly, we'll have the companionship of the Holy Ghost.  And what a blessing that is!  To be guided and directed by that member of the godhead, that "still, small voice."  So, in closing, I would just like to remind myself (and all of you, of course) that the wish for a flat tummy is really only one small reason that we should exercise and eat healthy foods.  No wonder striving to have healthy bodies makes us happier people.  It proves us faithful stewards and followers of Heavenly Father's commandments.  How's that for knowing where you stand?

Overcoming Evil

Romans 12:21
"Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."

Romans 14:3
"Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him."

Can you tell I've been reading in Romans?  Anyway, let's start with the first scripture.  When I came across this during my morning scripture reading the other day it just seemed to fit so well with the changes I'm trying to make in my life.  For instance, not only am I trying to not eat junk, I'm trying to replace those calories with veggies and whole grains and other things that are good for my body.  And if it weren't for these healthy replacements I wouldn't be able to make it.  After all, I've got to eat something.  It really would be impossible not to be overcome of evil (desserts) if I wasn't combating it with good (veggies).

Now on to the second scripture.  There I was a morning or two ago, reading along in my morning scripture study, not really having any idea what the chapter was talking about (Does this happen to you?  It happens to me all the time.) and then, out of nowhere, was this verse.  It really hit home with me and with these goals I've been working on.  In my mind it came out as "Don't get bitter toward those around you who are eating all the yummy junk that you're trying so hard to avoid and, hey, you over there who's upset with me for not eating the yummy homemade dessert you're so generously sharing with me, don't be offended I'm not eating it."  (I'm so eloquent, right?)  I've told you before that turning down homemade goodies from others worries me.  I don't want to be a rude, but I also don't want to spoil my goals just out of politeness.  But I think I am making progress.  On Friday night some of our favorite friends came over and one of them generously made some really fabulous-looking angel food cake.  Let me just say that I wanted some real bad.  Real, real, bad.  It really looked wonderful.  And I almost talked myself into believing that it was so light and fluffy that it couldn't possibly count as evil dessert.  But I soon snapped out of it (luckily before I had any) and decided to just have a little bowl of the cut up strawberries with some whipped topping (Thanks for the idea, Alex!).  And with this second scripture in mind, I made sure my friend knew how grateful I was that she brought her dessert to share (Amanda- thanks again!) and then tried real hard not to be bitter that everyone else was enjoying their yummy goodness.  No, really though, it was okay.  And it will be okay for you too.

We really can do this.  I'm sure of it. 

I can do this. You can do this.

Romans 8:25
"But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."

I came across this verse while reading scriptures on the first day of this new year and was particularly struck by it.  How appropriate to find these words of hope and encouragement on that fresh new start of a day.  Being somewhat consumed right now with trying to get my eating and exercise habits in control, not to mention the scheduling for writers on this blog (You should all be really excited about our co-authors, by the way.  They have some really great stuff in store for all of us.), reading this scripture made me think of my goal to lose weight and be healthy.  And as for seeing and seeing not, it made me think of my quiet wish to put on my clothes and have them look good on me or look in the mirror and see a flat tummy and a slimmer face.  These are quiet wishes.  The little sighs I feel inside me every morning.  These are the things that only the Lord knows how much they matter to me.  When I read this verse I feel the encouragement of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ telling me how proud they are of me for trying.  (They also know how much I've been wanting ice cream.)  When I read this I feel like it is possible.  And the memory of these words sustains me when I'm dreaming of ice cream and Oreos and the Butterfinger Crisp that I saved out from my stocking.  Starting out at 170 pounds, getting down to 125 pounds seems--at first glance--impossible.  Except in hope and faith, I see it not, but with patience I wait (and work) for it.