Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Katie: Week 15

Let's get on with it already...

Current weight: 146 pounds
Last week's weight: 145pounds
Total weight loss: 24 pounds

Okay, I'm in a bit of a funk.  About weight loss and healthy eating and balance in life and all that.  I just feel blah.  And impatient.  And frustrated.  But apparently I'm not the only one.  What's the deal?  Is it boredom setting in?  Is it all the stupid snow we've been having lately?  One thing I do not feel blah about is going on walks.  I love going on walks.  I love chatting with Sarah and watching our girls grow and being outside enjoying the world.  I think I will enjoy going on walks for the rest of my life.  But when Sarah and I went for a walk at the mall today it was the first time we had been on a walk in a week.  And I think it took its toll on me.

Not walking for a week
Nasty weather when I just want it to be spring so we can play outside
Eating out more because Bryan's fun younger sister was visiting
Finally being able to eat desserts
Apparently... about one pound

Which I know isn't that big of a deal.  It's not.  And gaining one pound isn't even really what's discouraging to me.  What's discouraging is realizing that I will never have the metabolism that my brothers had as teenagers.  I don't think I even had it when I was a teenager.  In other words, what's discouraging is realizing that I can never "go back to normal" with my eating habits and stay at a normal weight.  It is physically impossible.  My body just plain cannot handle it.  

There are some good things I've been thinking about this past week too though.  I really don't care much about desserts anymore.  Also, desserts and junk food in general is totally a mental thing for me.  For instance, when April 1st rolled around and I was finally able to eat treats again, I didn't care that much.  We had planned for a while to go to Cold Stone that day, but earlier in the day I had some M&M's and by the time we were  headed to Cold Stone I honestly didn't even really want it.  I was full from dinner.  I didn't care.  But I wanted some finality, some mental closure on the whole "no treats" thing, so I ate some ice cream anyway.  The next day I had some more M&M's, but I didn't even really want those.  I think I only ate them to have a fun treat with Bryan's sister when we went on a walk.  And on Easter I ate way too much junk, but, again, I didn't even really want it.  I know it sounds crazy.  Why would you eat something you don't want to eat when you don't have to eat it?  But that's how I feel, I think.  I ate treats on Easter because it was Easter and it was time to eat Easter candy.  And then I gorged on it because the Kit Kats really were so yummy and I had already decided in my head that I wasn't going to eat treats anymore unless it was a special occasion or somebody offered them to me or when I really did want a bite of something yummy.  Then we gave away the rest of the Easter candy and got it out of the house.  

So I feel good about realizing that I don't even really care much about having treats, but it's made me feel kind of low to realize that and then still not quite break free anyway.  Does anybody else do this?  

Anyway, so I've been feeling blah about all this stuff.  And then at the same time I feel impatient about still being 20 (well, 21 now) pounds away from my goal.  That being said, I know that I've been going at a super good rate and--most importantly--a healthy rate and I'm proud of what I've been able to accomplish so far.  But I'm only human.  I still want instant gratification sometimes.  I still feel frustrated sometimes when my tummy shows.  I still feel impatient when I look at the clothes I don't fit into again yet.  

And yet, regardless of all this, I feel so strangely unmotivated.  It's not that I want to sit around and eat cookies all day (which I guess is a step up for me), but I just don't feel all that motivated to do any extra work either.  Lately I keep wondering, too, if my goal is unrealistic.  I hope it's not.  I really do want to be healthy and thin and rid of my pudgy tummy.  I don't know.

This has all been some major rambling.  Sorry about that.  And sorry for the lack of bi-weekly pictures that are due in this post.  There just wasn't time to take them this morning.  

Any ideas for becoming truly motivated again?


Kathy Haynie said...

I think you are doing great, Katie! Good for you to hit the April 1st milestone and not start gorging on junky yummies. I totally relate with the discouragement about not being able to ever go back to "normal" eating.

It's helped me a lot to have an achievable, short-term healthy goal. When I tell other people that I'm training for the Goat Mountain Gallop in (only!) 12 days, they look at me kind of funny, but I've been really excited about it, and it's really motivated me to ramp up my physical activity.

An extra-long winter sure doesn't help, plus you've been putting lots of energy into your other wonderful blog. Hang in there, find a fun short-term goal, and try out some new recipes. Your motivation will return. And we'll try to have some sun here in Oregon for you at the end of April!

Amy Meyer said...

Look at pictures from where you started to where you are now. That always helps me!

For the next week, for every snack, eat califlower or broccoli (they have like no calories). You will see a difference on the scale next week (that is what my Weight Watchers leader told me and the next week I lost 4 lbs).

Just remember, slow and steady wins the race. Just tell your self that it took 9 months to put the weight on, it only seem right for it to take you 9 months to take it off.

Each week is a new week and each day is a new day!

Amy Meyer said...
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Amy Meyer said...
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Richard and Emily said...

I think you're doing great too! Keep it up! I'm so impressed with this and all you've been doing! The only advice I have is to maybe make a change in your routine. Change when you go exercise or mix it up a little. Take your BYU IDs and go for a little swim at the RB or play frisbee outside (if it would ever be warm again!). Maybe just a little change would help!

Good luck!

Anne said...

Katie, you are doing so well. As you say, this is a lifestyle change - so what's the hurry. Just continue doing what you have been doing, I've lost 13 pounds in the last 6 weeks. I am avoiding breads with yeast and allowing myself 70% or higher cocoa dark chocolate when I want a treat. You can't believe how satisfying just one square of a really good quality dark chocolate is. I don't particularly care for dark chocolate, but I know it is very good for you and it is satisfying and I don't crave more. I don't count calories, but I notice I am taking smaller and smaller portions. I used to think I had to eat a lot at a meal so I wouldn't get hungry. But I'm finding that if I eat protien at breakfast, which I almost never used to do, and eat a little protien for snacks, it keeps me quite satisfied. I have to remind myself to eat before I get that hungry feeling. And I am dishing up smaller and smaller portions and learning to stop eating when I'm feeling satisfied - not "full". Just keep on plugging away and taking a small break doesn't mean you have failed. Good luck.

Lisa Lou said...

Motivation is a really big thing for me. A really big pain in the patootie. It's so hard for me to be motivated. Except I realized last night whilst at Family Home Evening, that I love to be around people who have healthy lifestyles and healthy goals like me. That is my motivation! If I'm around people who eat junk, then of course it's going to be annoying and I'll probably end up eating junk. But if I surround myself with fun, happy, healthy people (like my good friend Desi!) then I remember what I want to do. Not that I should get rid of all my friends that don't have the same goals, not at all, it's just...I don't know...make sure I have a balance, I guess.
I love you Katie! And I am sure that this blah weather will pass soon and we can play outside all day!

Sarah said...

So this might sound like it doesn't apply, but I've found that it totally affects my motivation for things physically and otherwise - how much I feel the spirit. I was SO surprised this past week at how much more motivated I felt in general just by stepping up my reading in the Book of Mormon. It makes sense, I guess - the spirit quickens and strengthens and makes me more efficient and productive. Totally things that I need in life as a new mom.
I think you're doing great Katie - we love you and think your baby is darling!
-Sarah Shore

bellivas said...

so you put on ,one pound-big deal!!!!!you re doing great and dont allow too such minor things to affect you!
the summer is ahead ,so you ll burn a lot of calories spending time outdoors

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