Current weight: 146 pounds
Last week's weight: 145pounds
Total weight loss: 24 pounds
Okay, I'm in a bit of a funk. About weight loss and healthy eating and balance in life and all that. I just feel blah. And impatient. And frustrated. But apparently I'm not the only one. What's the deal? Is it boredom setting in? Is it all the stupid snow we've been having lately? One thing I do not feel blah about is going on walks. I love going on walks. I love chatting with Sarah and watching our girls grow and being outside enjoying the world. I think I will enjoy going on walks for the rest of my life. But when Sarah and I went for a walk at the mall today it was the first time we had been on a walk in a week. And I think it took its toll on me.
Not walking for a week
Nasty weather when I just want it to be spring so we can play outside
Eating out more because Bryan's fun younger sister was visiting
Finally being able to eat desserts
Apparently... about one pound
Which I know isn't that big of a deal. It's not. And gaining one pound isn't even really what's discouraging to me. What's discouraging is realizing that I will never have the metabolism that my brothers had as teenagers. I don't think I even had it when I was a teenager. In other words, what's discouraging is realizing that I can never "go back to normal" with my eating habits and stay at a normal weight. It is physically impossible. My body just plain cannot handle it.
There are some good things I've been thinking about this past week too though. I really don't care much about desserts anymore. Also, desserts and junk food in general is totally a mental thing for me. For instance, when April 1st rolled around and I was finally able to eat treats again, I didn't care that much. We had planned for a while to go to Cold Stone that day, but earlier in the day I had some M&M's and by the time we were headed to Cold Stone I honestly didn't even really want it. I was full from dinner. I didn't care. But I wanted some finality, some mental closure on the whole "no treats" thing, so I ate some ice cream anyway. The next day I had some more M&M's, but I didn't even really want those. I think I only ate them to have a fun treat with Bryan's sister when we went on a walk. And on Easter I ate way too much junk, but, again, I didn't even really want it. I know it sounds crazy. Why would you eat something you don't want to eat when you don't have to eat it? But that's how I feel, I think. I ate treats on Easter because it was Easter and it was time to eat Easter candy. And then I gorged on it because the Kit Kats really were so yummy and I had already decided in my head that I wasn't going to eat treats anymore unless it was a special occasion or somebody offered them to me or when I really did want a bite of something yummy. Then we gave away the rest of the Easter candy and got it out of the house.
So I feel good about realizing that I don't even really care much about having treats, but it's made me feel kind of low to realize that and then still not quite break free anyway. Does anybody else do this?
Anyway, so I've been feeling blah about all this stuff. And then at the same time I feel impatient about still being 20 (well, 21 now) pounds away from my goal. That being said, I know that I've been going at a super good rate and--most importantly--a healthy rate and I'm proud of what I've been able to accomplish so far. But I'm only human. I still want instant gratification sometimes. I still feel frustrated sometimes when my tummy shows. I still feel impatient when I look at the clothes I don't fit into again yet.
And yet, regardless of all this, I feel so strangely unmotivated. It's not that I want to sit around and eat cookies all day (which I guess is a step up for me), but I just don't feel all that motivated to do any extra work either. Lately I keep wondering, too, if my goal is unrealistic. I hope it's not. I really do want to be healthy and thin and rid of my pudgy tummy. I don't know.
This has all been some major rambling. Sorry about that. And sorry for the lack of bi-weekly pictures that are due in this post. There just wasn't time to take them this morning.
Any ideas for becoming truly motivated again?